As the days and weeks pass, many people have been speculating on their clubs’ medal and awards nights. But with Thomas Broich rocking the JW award now, I think its time start recognising the quiet achievers, the awards that are a little less obvious.
The remedy to this will be our The Other Toilet Seat Awards. At this stage our requested funding for a lavish bash with 3 types of dips has been ignored by the powers that be but read on, for even those that lose should still win at something.
‘Gooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall’ Award
Starting our night is the award for the greatest gaffer’s goal celebration we’ve seen. Too few managers evade the lure of a bastardised salsa with our sites namesake, and those that do tend to only get inspiration from the local slip and slide. Who will take out the coveted prize this season. And the winner is:
JOSEP GOMMMMMBBBBAAAAUUUUU
Without a doubt in his brief time at Adelaide United, this Spanish manager has left many a journalist searching for the an adjective of enough power to cover the emotion of which he displays. The draw against cellar dwellars Melbourne Heart was enough to have him run on to pitch while still being held back by the rest of his coaching staff. His exuberance and energy is something that was only levelled by the end of year finishing position but his contract extension till the end of next season will hopefully bring more displays of energy and unrestrained spanish flare*.
Honourable mentions to Mike Mulvey whose understated celebration of a 3-0 trouncing of Melbourne Victory by completing his crossword and Ernie Merrick’s downing of a beer post Central Coast game.
*The Other Toilet Seat Awards do not condone the uncontrolled use of flares at an aleague game.
‘The fish that got away’ award
Many managers will talk about the best players who rose through their teams ranks, but few will talk about the ones that left to become a bigger success than they ever thought. Names like Kruse, Galekovic and (insert other name here) have gone from second string at one club to make those regret the missed opportunity. And the winner is:
Dimitri Petratos and Sydney FC
The corridors of Bling FC must have been ringing out with curses as Dimitri put 3 goals past Frank Farina’s men with relative ease, barely breaking a sweat in the 5-2 drumming. The question of whether they wanted to keep him after his brief sojourn to Malaysia will never be answered now as he pulled on an orange kit and headed further north to Suncorp.
Honourable mention to Adam Taggart who took out the golden boot with the Jets, something Perth could really have done with if they’d kept him on.
‘To infinity and beyond’ award
Our league has barely got to it’s first decade of existence, but the amusement or frustration of watching a professional fluff up is certainly second to none. How else but to use quotable lines from a cartoon character to show the futility of the attempts at knocking a size 5 ball competently. And the winner is:
William Gallas
Who could pass up such a moment of perfect defensive inspiration than Gallas’ unfortunate clearance against the Wanderers. With a failed stop and an air-swing leading on to an unfortunate goal, the frustration of the moment made the poor defender crumble to the turf. It would not be hard for Tony Sage to believe Inspector Clouseau had been substituted for his prized marquee, but with the season over it will be a moment enshrined in many blooper reels to come.
Honourable mentions go to Harry Kewell for his horrific penalty kick against Sydney and Justin Pasfield for his own air swing and subsequent goal that trickled in for Central Coast
‘Blink and you’ll miss it’ award
In the A-League most players arrive with fanfare and leave with misery or arrive with little noise then depart with their names etched in folklore. In some very rare cases you will see certain players burn oh so brightly in the spotlight before retreating from the light like a credible movie vampire. And the winner is:
Kwame Yeboah
This wonder gymnast burst onto the scene with such speed that most SBS commentators were still searching for the correct way to pronounce his last name. From the humble shores of the Gold Coast youth squad, Kwame’s elevation with a last minute saviour goal, literal backflip then second goal against the Wanderers was only balanced by his immediate signing (and possible kidnapping) by Borussia Mönchengladbach within a few weeks. Yeboah has just as quickly gone to ground without a whisper and all trace of him seems to be gone apart from a footnote in the Roar’s game sheets.
‘I could’a-been-a-contender’ award
When a player with a decent CV gets a contract it should give you a fair idea what you can expect from the down payment. Unfortunately when the boots hit the ground some players don’t seem to live up to the hype built up by either the fans or the manager. And the winner is:
Michael Mifsud
With a list of quality european clubs longer than most peoples arms and an international career comparable with the best, Mifsud looked the goods for Aloisi and co. when they decided to bring in someone they thought was a power hitter. But whether he found the turf too soft this far south of the equator or the opposition too tall no one is sure, and Mifsud failed to live up to the standards set by his legacy. Missing open goals and appearing a paltry 12 times throughout his brief stint at the club, the ‘Mosquito’ has evidently had his day and requested a release from the club in March.
‘I can’t believe I’m not managing a club’ award
It’s hard to be a manager at a football club. To run a 23 man squad like clockwork and expect them to win more than a few games while you’re sitting on the sidelines is one thing. If you also have to deal with the boardroom, media and, worst of all, rabid fans hounding you, it can surely lead to you tearing all your hair out. Some can take it and some just don’t seem to be able to catch a break. And the winner is:
John Aloisi
The second season is usually meant to be easier than the first but Mr Waistcoats himself couldn’t catch a break even with all the good things to happen in pre-season. The return of Harry Kewell, the arrival giant Orlando Engelaar and retaining his own personal Pizza delivery man meant he seemingly had all the tools to improve on his previous season’s showing. Having completed the 2012/13 season with five consecutive losses, he only succeeded in following on his lack of success, and after 12 rounds, the board gave up putting faith in him. Getting his own personal chant from the North Terrace to the tune of ‘You’re getting sacked in the morning’ proved to be the one point that all of Melbourne agreed on.
Shifting from a waistcoat to a fake tan gave the red and white stripes some bounce with a flurry of wins to still pale off to a final wooden spoon but the blame of the season 9 will still fall squarely on the hero who scored that winning penalty in the 2006 World Cup qualifiers.
Honourable Mention to Alistair Edwards for the ‘I can’t believe it’s not nepotism’ award.
Thank you for your time and to the contributors (Ryan’s Rovers, Tomasz Ng) and good luck enjoying a lack of theater in the six months away from the game. You’ll need it.